Tuesday morning at roughly 4:30am, I was awoken from a difficult dream. Someone I thought I knew appeared to be having chest or stomach discomfort. “Do I need to do CPR on this person?” Walking away from me, the person ended up downstairs in what seemed to be a large restaurant. Shortly after, I could tell that the individual had passed, and then I woke up. Such a bizarre dream I thought.
Waking up for the day at 6:00am, I proceeded to start my day. Cooking my usual egg breakfast while drinking coffee I proceeded to my dining quarters where I noticed a light flashing on my phone. The text alert read “Call me as soon as you get this message.” I knew it was grandma. Putting down my fork and swallowing the last bite of food, I called my aunt and begun to share tears with her over the phone.
My grandmother was a tough Finnish lady. She raised her children to be hard working, caring, and perhaps as stubborn as she was. I know I’m proud enough to say that I have some of that. She stayed faithful to her husband for 18 years after his passing, and that’s the type of stubbornness I’m referring to. That and the fact that she die almost exactly on the same day and same time that Walter, (my grandfather) had passed. “She wasn’t going to let Walter have his own day to die” Anita said with laughter over the phone. I chuckled. Just that and the circumstances of her death being a peaceful experience bring a level of beauty and comfort to the family that truly make us feel thankful.
Death is a difficult word for those who’ve seen it first hand. For those who haven’t, time is of the essence. It seems dark because it’s often associated with the lights going out. However there are times when it’s beautiful and an essence of peace overwhelms the transition for the individual.
“Life in itself is a near-death experience, and if you live everyday like it’s going to be the last, one day you’ll be right.”
The word death is a difficult word. So taboo we’ve converted our language to choose other letters. “Passing” “No longer with us.” I understand this, however it makes me wonder if I choose these words out of the fear of pain, or maybe even the fear of my own death. However what I’m starting to realize, as I experience these moments of death with a loved one, my life changes its shape just a little, and I become more aware of my path in this life nearing its eminent conclusion.
However far away it may be, those who were loved and passed have their most beautiful memories living in the hearts of those they loved. And this is how who we really are, never really dies. Our vibrations spent in our lifetime will continue to ripple through the cosmos light years after everyone has forgotten our name.
We love you Grandma.